WHAT MAKES A GOOD PARENT?

Finding out that one is about to be a parent is most times greeted with great happiness and excitement and in other times the parent is petrified or is in a state that makes Him or Her think they are unfit to be guardians of the world’s greatest treasure. Conception itself is a miracle where one sperm wins the race to fertilise a particular egg! It has been proven that no two people are the same even Identical twins have subtle differences in their genetic makeup that makes them uniquely them and hence special in their own right.  Babies are by far the greatest treasures one that has been destined to be so even before the beginning of time. Parenthood is the beginning of a journey that allows you to make rules that could be laid down as law. These rules could serve as lampposts shining on into the future for both you and your Baby. The World Health Organisation (WHO) estimates that about 353,000 babies are born each day around the world, that’s a lot of babies daily and a whole lot of parenting to be done. On the other hand there are countless numbers of couples struggling to have children of their own and to experience the joys of parenting. Count yourself blessed to be among the lot that can be called Parents biologically or otherwise.

Who Is a Parent? A Parent is caretaker of their Offspring, the complexity of our world now does not make you a parent just because helped in the conception process. You can become a Parent by surrogacy or through adoption and fostering relationships. All of these new scenarios do not negate God’s initial plan which makes a Parent the Initial point of contact and guardians of our offspring’s. The circumstances surrounding a child’s birth has no place in determining how they should be treated. They are not responsible for the actions leading to their birth, as the Bible clearly states ‘Children are our Heritage from God and the Fruit of the Womb His reward’

What Makes a Good Parent? No one can clearly answer this question as different parenting styles have been researched and not one has been proven to have 100% effectiveness or has resulted in great, powerful, famous or rich children. Rather a good parent is mostly based on our willingness to lean On God’s own principles of love, forgiveness and discipline. Being a good parent is in no way an easy route but we can derive a lot of fulfillment and happiness if the points outlined below are taken into consideration:

• Love Your Child

The Best gift to give your child is to love, care and show affection to them. This gift starts right from the womb; you let your child know just how honoured you feel to be called their parent. You let them know that they are your most valuable possession and that fact doesn’t change regardless of their physical appearance, academic record, the community’s perception of them. This re-assurance alone can work wonders in your child’s life and attitude to Life. A warm Hug, a big smile can light up your Child’s World and make them feel wanted and appreciated. A word of encouragement can help your child do better at His/her grades or relate better with their peers. Make it a habit to tell your child that you love them each and every day despite your mood or their actions and that you will Love them unconditionally every single day of your Life.

• Appreciate Your Children

We all want to be recognized for who we are, what we stand for and all what we achieve. Similarly a Child needs to be appreciated from Birth. Their strengths must be magnified and we must learn to recognize their talents and to praise them for such. As a parent you need to give confidence to your Child preparing them to face the outside world. Appreciating their good points will enable them to feel empowered to conquer life’s obstacles. Let your Child know that you are proud of them; give them a lot more positive feedback than you do the negative. In all this remember to let your child know when they are wrong, avoid sugar-coating reality. Tell the truth and give the best view in each situation that may happen. In younger children it is easier to show how much they are appreciated by giving them a round of applause after finishing a meal or rewarding them with nice but healthy treats when they greet or be kind to one another. Remember that as Parents we are mirrors to our children, they do a lot more of what we do than what we tell them to do. Our Actions speak a lot louder than our voice!

• Do Not Compare Your Child

Your child is unique and special in their own right. No one is like your child or will ever be like Him/Her not even their siblings. Learn to Value your Children for whom they are. In very large Families or when dealing with siblings try to celebrate the strong points of each child. Allow them to pursue their dreams, goals and interests regardless of how different they may be. This will help teach your children to love each other, their friends and neighbours. It will destroy negative competition which tends to spoil relationships and causes low productivity on projects and the workplace as adults. Avoid favoritism when caring for your children; it is only natural to have your favorite maybe because of their appearance or temperament. Try to keep this information to yourself at all times and not show in your actions and behavior towards them. Create a sense of responsibility among siblings, regardless of age each child must own their actions and accept the ensuing consequences.

• Discipline your Children

The typical vision of one correcting their child is of a Parent holding a rod against a child or of one screaming or yelling directives to their children. In most instances these forms of discipline are done out of our anger, the need to fit in with society or as a result of our own state of mind in particular times. Discipline should emanate from being genuinely annoyed at the behavior of our child and the desire to make it better. Discipline is not a one-time action it is a process of training and caring for your child, as with every process it takes time and investment. Your Child should first know that Life has rules and rules must be obeyed or there are consequences. Communicate these rules clearly. Children should be very familiar with the consequences of their actions. If you give them a punishment, be sure they understand the reason and the fault; if you cannot articulate the reason and how they are at fault the punishment will not have the discouraging effects you desire. These consequences need not be physical but can have an equal effect on the mind of a child. Remember to note that your child first copies you; you cannot expect your child not to lie if you are a professional liar yourself. There are various ways of making your child feel responsible for their actions and equally numerous ways of making them own up for such. Learn to correct and discipline your child in Love. Let them recognise the reason for your anger, what makes a particular behavior unacceptable and vice versa. Learn to control your Temper at all times, remember that you are the Adult and ought to know better. Be willing to show them how.  It’s important to criticize your children’s actions, instead of your actual child. You want your child to learn that he or she can accomplish whatever he or she wants through his or her behavior. Let him or her feel like he has it within to improve his behavior. When your child acts out in a harmful and spiteful manner, tell him or her that such behavior is unacceptable and suggest alternatives. Avoid statements such as: “You’re bad.” Instead, say something like, “It was very wrong to be mean to your Friend.” Explain why the behavior was described as bad. Be assertive yet kind when pointing out what they have done wrong. Be stern and serious, but not cross or mean, when you tell them what you expect. Avoid public humiliation. If they misbehave in public, take them aside, and scold them privately.

• Listen To Your Child

Communication is very important in every relationship. As a parent you must not be known as the rule enforcer or to have the last say in every conversation. You must learn to listen with your ears and your heart. Listening to your child makes them feel important, it makes them feel loved and part of your world. Listening with your heart gives room for you to notice signs and changes in your child. A parent that is a good listener makes your child comfortable enough to approach you with any issue no matter how small or big. You become the first person they run to when they are disappointed or excited about things happening in their lives. Learn how to drop everything else when your child needs to be listened to, your phone, switch off the TV and all else. Make eye contact and genuinely empathise with your Child when they are conversing with you.

• Make Time for your Child

With our busy life-styles and overflowing schedules it’s so easy to delegate parenting to schools, caregivers, nannies and technology making us spend less time with our kids. Parents tend to substitute such time with expensive gifts and short-holidays around the world. Instead of investing on Time spent with our children each and every day. You do not need to spend long hours of your time with your child to achieve this goal rather the quality and how often you make time for your child is of upmost importance. A couple of minutes of your un-divided attention before bedtime could be all you could spare, a long walk on the beach on the weekends, a quick prayer before setting up for school in the mornings are all great examples of making time for your child. Letting the Child know that this time is your special Time together makes it all the more special and appreciated. In all this remember that boundaries must be set, your child must know how to behave in different settings. Over-indulging your young children will just create spoilt teens and irresponsible young adults in the future!

• Help Your Child Be a Better Person

Each and every child must know and accept that they are different from Birth. This difference makes them uniquely them. This will help develop high self-esteem that will encourage your child to stand out; which would later help them in not following the crowd and eventually build them up to me Better Person’s in society. The change-makers, great leaders, thinkers and innovators were raised up to be such. God gives us the Gems, we package them into wonderful and sought after rarities. We easily fall into the trap off expecting our children to be Mini-versions of ourselves or extensions of our dreams and ambitions. This mentality leaves little or no room for a child to develop a star personality as they are continuously measured against you. When your child is old enough to make decisions for themselves; allow them to make choices and to face the consequences of their actions. This will help them make better and more conscious decisions in the future. For example your Seven year old insists on wearing skimpy clothing during the rainy season may lead Him/her into having a bad cold which might stop her for playing outdoors for the next week. Let Him/her know that this is the result of the initial decision not to wear warmer clothes outdoors. She will be sure to learn this lesson and adhere to the rules next time! Be a good role model to your child, show by example. You can’t keep telling your child not to smoke cigarettes whilst you smoke all evening and even ask the child to purchase from the local shop. Be a good model citizen, teach your children not to throw thrash on the streets by not dumping your waste in the drainage outside your house. Do unto others the same you would want them do to you all year long. Give your child the space and privacy that they need, as children grow older they get involved in their own interests and make their own friends. Avoid spying on your child, a relationship that is built on trust lasts forever, allow them to make their mistakes and to tell you about them. Do not try to create every scene in their lives, let them act out their lives as intended by our heavenly Father. Let your Child lead active and healthy lifestyles, our bodies our temple of God. They must be looked after and cherish. Teach your children to watch what they eat and how they eat, incorporate exercise routines and substitute fruits for sweets at every chance you get

• Once a Parent, always a Parent

A parents’ work is never done, it evolves over time but it stays true and the same through the milestones and experiences. Your Children should be able to turn to you for advice and support through the years. You must be supportive of your Child’s decisions and choices through the years. It’s in your hands to start being the best Parent that you can be right Now!

©Narnia Educational Group_2017