KAMA ALIEU MALADOR: BRINGS YOU THE ADVENTURES OF A STAY AT HOME MOTHER

If you had told me that I was going to be a stay at home mother when I was younger I would have probably laughed out loud.

From as young as my teen years, I knew I wanted to become a lawyer. I was always very argumentative and opinionated then so I knew it would be a great fit. Little did I know that at nineteen, I would be married to a total stranger!  Well fifteen years later, here I am a wife and a mother of 4. Life comes at you so fast.  Well that has turned out to be the recurring theme song of my life.

My husband and I had planned our lives. We had goals and we working towards achieving them. There was no stopping us from doing it all and from having it all. After all, others had done it. Boy we were wrong. As it turns out life is what happens when you are busy making plans.

I used to work at the London Underground and that meant starting work as early as 5 am on some days or finishing work at 2am.It was unpredictable: and yet I was juggling two kids, doing odd shifts and playing the good wife.

God definitely had other plans for us, so welcome to my life as a stay at home mother.

THE RUDE AWAKENING

In June 2009 my eldest son was diagnosed with leukaemia, two months before his 4th birthday. I can still remember that day like it was yesterday. And although I was being hard on myself, I blamed myself for not being there for him. I decided that very day that I’d devote my life to being there for my kids full time and I have never looked back ever since.

It was a fairly easy decision to make in spite of everything because of the kind of upbringing I had. I was the fourth and last daughter of my parents. Plus, I grew up in a home where the most important thing was family and love.  My mother being very protective and particular gave up her career as an executive secretary to raise us, so when I had to do the same it was an easy decision.

I grew up with these set of values and as a child I experienced what it meant to sacrifice your dreams for the benefit of the whole- Family. I was determined to go through with it so my children could have the same kind of loving environment that I grew up in.

It has been a journey of discovery, with me and mine, an adventure of a lifetime.

NOT WITHOUT CHALLENGES

Children are definitely a blessing even though there are times when you want to just pack up and go!

First of all the work never stops! From dusk to dawn, you are a full time mom. At least when I worked, I had a break from house chores and I had an excuse to avoid the ones I hated but now I am at the beck and call of my children and totally devoted to their every whim.

When you are a stay at home mom and a perfectionist like me, you are constantly looking for things to do around the house and always keeping busy. I had this notion that if I said I was tired, then that meant I had failed in my job. So I kept pushing which was very wrong because in the end I became a zombie from the over exertion.

MY ADVENTURES

In spite of everything, I feel blessed by the decision I made. I have the opportunity to spend so much time with my children, which wasn’t the case when I had my first two children. I missed out on everything. I wasn’t there when they took their first steps, said their first words or learnt new things.

They thought my sister was their mother because she was always around them more than I was. My pregnancies with them were also a blur.

Right now I get to experience the full joys of motherhood. Being pregnant with my last two children was a great blessing. It felt so different from the first two because I was fully present. I felt every flutter, every kick. I was there for their first steps, their first words. It’s like being paid to do your very favourite job.

Every day is an adventure although I feel like I am hitching my children’s ride! Because I spend so much time with my children and I get to learn from them, it’s easier to recognize the mistakes I make. They are quick to point them out.  One thing I regret is the amount of pressure I put on my eldest son to always be the best for his brothers .I had this belief that if the first child came out right, all the others would follow suit. So I pressured him into getting the best grades, being the best behaved and would snap whenever I thought he was doing something the others could copy.

This was wrong, wrong, wrong. He was a child and being perfect should not even be an option on the table. My boy was timid and became withdrawn because I expected too much from him.

Spending more time with my kids has opened my eyes to see them first as people and not just children. I encourage them to be outspoken, so they are not afraid to talk to me or their father about anything. I get to be their friend. This is the best thing a mother could ask for.

 

LESSONS LEARNT

A parent must always be willing to acknowledge their wrongdoing and apologize to their kids. It allows for growth and forms a bond of trust between you and your kids. Once my husband spoke to me about the concerns Hassan, my eldest child, had voiced to him. I cried myself to sleep. The next day, I apologized to him and changed my ways.

Also find your hobbies, being a stay at home mother is not just about being a mother to your children, but finding yourself as mother, a woman and a person.

  • Invest in yourself.

  • Find your passions; it may be through your hobbies or extra-curricular activities.

I don’t have that many hobbies but I love listening to audiobooks because I can close my eyes and walk into a whole different universe. I feel that owning a book as a mother just gives your toddler one more thing to tear up or scribble on. (LOL)

Cooking is also something I love. I do my best planning while cooking.

At this moment all I aspire to be is a loving caring human being, a wonderful wife and most importantly a mother who is always there for her children.

MY ADVICE TO ALL PARENTS

An ideal parent is one that doesn’t give the impression that they’ve got everything together. By this I mean one that is confident enough to talk about their struggles and just a tad bit disorganized. An ideal parent to me is one who is not afraid to make mistakes and have fun.

 

 

 

 

 

Written by: arianadiaries

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5 Comments

  • Marian

    I enjoy reading this piece well done Ariana and thanks for sharing your story Malador. As African mothers sometimes we think we have it all but na na🙅‍♀️

  • Haja J

    Love this sooo much! I am inspired! Always admired you choice but I am even more happy that you are happy in it! May Allah continue to allow you to grow as a woman, mother, wife!

  • Felice Lawrence

    Thanks for sharing your experience. The opening lines of your story sounds exactly the same as mine. And it is really true that life is what happens while we are busy making other plans. From one mum to another I can confidently say that our time and presence is one of the best investments we can make in our children’s lives.

  • Isatta

    Thanks for sharing your experience Nkama very inspiring

  • Tutu

    A wonderful read! Craving kids right now💕