He had a nice personality outside the home and he did all those things that were pleasing in the eyes of society. He gave me gifts, He said the right words but it was all for show. This made it difficult for people to notice my pain. During the first year of our marriage, I ran away but my family brought me back. Nothing changed and I knew I had to escape or I would be killed carelessly someday.
I am Sadia Kanu, an advocate and survivor of domestic violence. Domestic violence involves violent behaviour mostly within the home or in an intimate relationship. Its victims could range from parents, kids, relatives or even inhabitants within the home but for the purpose of our foundation special emphasis is placed on spouses. Both parties can be violent but the prevailing order is where a male partner in an intimate relationship perpetrates inhumane acts towards their significant other. It can also be described as conduct that harms or is likely to harm the safety, health and well-being of a person.
Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional/psychological or a combination of all three. It is about power, manipulation, isolation and control.
Often, individuals who go through domestic violence are seen as paranoid. Another sad and unfortunate thing is the fact that there is an increase in the number of victims that wallow in denial and lack the awareness to detect that abuse is being inflicted. In some cases, the abusers themselves may not be aware that they are being abusive.
FOR BETTER – FOR WORSE
A little over a decade ago (in my early 20s), I had a first-hand experience with domestic violence when I got married. Those were the most horrific 30 months of my life. I began to realize the relationship was unhealthy even before we took our vows but I ran through the red lights out of ignorance, not knowing when I was being abused or what domestic violence was. I thought it had to do with maturity and I expected it to fizzle out with time but that was not the case. I hoped especially that things would fall into place after the wedding but that was when things got worse.
I experienced physical, emotional and psychological torture at an alarming rate it became life threatening. I experienced every form of abuse during these dark periods. When we were together, I received beatings; this became a weekly occurrence depending on the level of his anger.
I was choked, kicked, battered.
I had pillows against my face to suffocate me to death. At one point, I was cut with a knife and he made people believe that I slipped and injured myself; I did not dare to speak up then. It was as if I was in an army barracks. Constantly in fear of what will tick him off or make him angry. I was dragged and was beaten for almost everything, mistakes became a taboo.
Whenever he would beat me, I would think those were my last moments. I was a regular at the eye clinic for blood clots in my eyes (that are still visible) because of the frequent battering.
I have always believed in dialogue especially with loved ones. Arguments can be healthy and fights (not fisticuffs though) can be fair but I had to walk on eggshells all the time. I was called names “barren”, “infidel” and so forth. He would threaten to kill me if I ever thought of leaving; I was told that I would not find someone better. Crying was the order of my stay there and he will ridicule me “cry until your dad resurrects from the dead”. I was sexually molested on multiple occasions. I lost my sanity and self-worth.
Whenever, I thought of leaving I also thought about how society will look at me, the shame of a broken marriage (especially to my family). I thought of running away to another country but I had no savings. I constantly thought of suicide and murder, but I kept asking myself if he was worth a lifetime in jail for. That is when I made up my mind; I was going to leave even if I had to stay in a gutter. Worst of all, he kept telling me that if he cannot have me, no one else will. I did not understand the weight of that statement until months after we separated.
Eventually, I made up my mind to leave him. This was after one of his merciless beatings that left my face disfigured and just because I did not congratulate his parents.
This was the last straw. I knew if he knew I was going to leave, he would do something bad to me. So I waited, a week after when he left for an examination I packed out of the house.
Most women may not leave an abusive relationship because they are in fear of their abusers or they may not have anywhere to go or they may not be financially stable or have supportive families. When I left, I made up my mind that I was going to bear the shame and start over again. I fled and took only my suitcases. I left everything behind. I had no dime to my name even though I was working. It took all my will power to go back to my Parent’s house where I started sleeping on the floor because I gave up everything when I got married. It was a matter of choice. Was I going to stay and sleep on the floor at my parent’s house or was I going to go back and be killed? In my broken and damaged state, I chose life.
THE BIRTH OF SADIZ ANTI – DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FOUNDATION
Domestic violence happens daily around the world and especially in our communities. It has ravaged many women, altered many destinies, delayed progress, destroyed homes and most importantly affected children. It destroys self-esteem and confidence, especially in young women and children. When I decided I was going to do something and share my story I was told that’s not the way to go but I broke the cultural norms,
I tried joining a few women organizations but I noticed that the vision wasn’t the same. In February of 2019, I decided to create something that would address my experience. I did not have an office or anything but, I believed in the power of storytelling and that was the birth of Sadiz Anti-domestic Violence Foundation. We started the registration process and I spoke to a few professionals from the legal and medical standpoint. We got some counsellors on board and we created a helpline: + 232 75 100041.
My vision for SAV Foundation is to create awareness on Domestic Violence and related issues, encouraging victims to speak out and to support them by way of counselling. We place special emphasis on younger women, precisely between the ages of 18-24 as they are our point of focus for awareness. This is so because they are the most vulnerable and highly prone to domestic violence. We envision an environment where women are safe and valued. We want to impart the knowledge and understanding of the impact of ABUSE. We want to teach them and men as well, about healthy boundaries and consent.
In as much as we want to focus on young women. I must state that domestic violence can happen to anyone irrespective of your age, your educational background or your financial status. There are highly placed women in a society that are being abused but cannot speak out because they are ashamed. SAV Foundation wants to break those boundaries.

THE CAMPAIGN TO STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN SIERRA LEONE
Since the foundation begun in February, we have embarked on community outreach programs that involve creating awareness in schools and vocational Institutions.
By October 2019, we hope for a 50% all-round awareness for young girls as well as older women. They should know and be able to explain what domestic violence is and how we can help others move away from it. It is an ambitious project, that might take a while but with lots of dedication in sharing the right information. I am very hopeful.
Domestic Violence is not always easily recognizable. However, there are different ways to tell if someone is being abused. Mostly physical abuse is easily identifiable because it involves visual pieces of evidence. However, one should look for the following signs:
➢ Someone who regularly has bruises, wounds, regular black eye (like I had in the past).
➢Someone who has frequent and unexplained physical injuries is another way to notice.
➢ Someone who acts differently, than they normally do, exhibiting increased aggressive behaviour, being jumpier or more on guard, withdrawing and not wanting to be around other people, Being moodier (angry, depressed, sad) than normal.
➢Someone who is nervous about talking when her partner is there.
➢Someone who blames herself for the violent behaviour of her partner and walks around on “eggshells”.
Most victims show more than one sign. Therefore, we encourage close friends and family to pay kin attention to their loved ones if you happen to notice these signs.
