10 WAYS TO STAY SANE AND MARRIED AS AN AFRICAN PROFESSIONAL WOMAN
April 11, 2019
If you are a career woman who desires marriage, make the following quote your guide.If you are an African woman, even this gospel will not guarantee you a ‘happy ever after’
”When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier!” – Sheryl Sandberg
I am an African woman who has been married for 9 years and a working professional for 11 years, I wish their was an instructional manual or a DIY book that goes with vows. It’s been one- hell of a journey; full of adventure, dismay, joy and yet I keep walking with blessings into the unknown.
If you are settling for an African man, marry an orphan or one that is estranged from His family. Never ever marry a Mummy’s boy- He will be comparing you with His Mama all the days of your union , a Mr. Know it all- lives and breathes control or a man with old money- most of them are downright lazy and are attracted to women who do all the work.
Do not look for potential, I pity women who fall excitedly for wannabe’s. He has a good degree or his heading off to college. He has great ideas, He has just started His own company. If you are ready to be like ‘Mother Mary’ bless you, you will support him and mend his ailments till that great day when He will actually accomplish his dreams.Then you will be too old and unattractive for him.
Be authentic about who you are and what you want from the relationship. Do not start out cooking 3 meals a day only to slouch off after a few years. Table your expectations, it will make some men flee from you but yours will stay on. Establish a pattern, African men thrive on stability. Do not go from missionary position to bondage, you will be accused of adultery.
Never ever share about your relationship with other people. He bought me this! He promised me that. You are inviting angels of doom into your space. You have increased your views and his attractiveness, every single person will be wishing he was theirs. That’s bad energy right there. Stick to covering your yams on this one!
Invest in infra-red ear plugs (that is if they exist), shut your ears, eyes and mouth to every report. He was seen at the club, they saw his car at mid-west when he was supposed to be at the office. Learn the art of absorbing information, without reacting to it. Master, Patience. Remember when the Bible said a quiet anger turns away wrath?
Kill your ego! Kill it with fire and brimstone. African men hardly ever say sorry even if they are wrong. I know you are going to start preaching ethics but that has little value to them. Truth is they were not programmed to do so, they have not seen generations before them do that – saying sorry is the bad word. The best they will do is make up with an expensive gift or stay home to watch the kids, that’s penance. Deal with it.
Wear an armour around your feelings. You are a project , ‘the wife’, they admire you, might even love you but it’s a deadly sin to express emotions. Stop wondering why they go from calling you ‘oh oh babe’ at midnight to your full name in church. It is written, an African man must not profess love for one woman, she might get big-headed!
Be ready to choose between family or your career or make yourself available to wear the crown of condemnation. Your own friends will cry you down for choosing to attend a work meeting other than a PTA. Boss lady must stop at the office, no being the ‘Mr’ Woman at home.
Choose kindness, every single day. You have been licensed to give love, do not expect returns. Be nice. Entertain His friends, good, bad and ugly. Attend His functions, all of it boring and outdated outings, that smell of cigar, sweat and cologne. Get set to nod into conversations, enjoy loud football saying sorry and putting up with mood swings for deals gone bad(even though, you told Him not go for it in the very beginning)
Go back and erase steps 1-9 , renew your mind. You are not getting signed up for a master class with goals and set requirements. You are in the thing called life, settling to learn from each other and make mistakes. You are about to create your life together. Minus the pre- conceived ideas about Men and relationships. Be open to listen to your heart, lay out your standards. What works for you, might not work for me. Relax you are not being measured, it’s a process of cleaving. BEST WISHES !